mY dReams

(Yes, it's supposed to look messed up, lol. Everyone knows your dreams don't come out exactly how you planned.

I was talking to my dad during a drive back from Cheyenne. We got to talking about my plans for when I graduate.

I hope I get enough scholarship money to help cover my expenses for this last semester. Then I can put some of my grandma's money toward our move down to Arizona. If things work out, we'll have enough to move down there and be able to live until we get our first paychecks. Hopefully Shawn can find a job soon after we move down there.

If things don't work out I might have to stay with my Grandparents for the first month or two until my paychecks are steady and large enough to get a place. Shawn might stay behind and continue making money here so we have something.

I don't want to get married until I can afford a nice dress. And by nice I mean a brand new, $3000+ one. So then I can turn around and donate it to an organization for military wives or something. And unluckily for Shawn, I've decided that I can handle dating a smoker, but I won't marry one. That sounds harsh, and like an ultimatum, but it's just simply selfish. I don't want to have to put up with something I hate for the rest of my life, and I sure as heck don't want to put my children through the same things I dealt with growing up. I don't know if I'm partially asthmatic, or if their smoking made me unable to breathe while running, but my dad apologized if his smoking had anything to do with it, and it damn near made me cry.

I wanna have kids. And lately, it's been a lot stronger than it should be. Maybe because it seems so far away. And I feel so behind. A LOT of the people I went to high school with are already married and popping out kids. Someone tell me I did the smart thing to wait. Someone assure me that it'll be worth it and I'll be making really, really good money soon.